Sometimes
by Kiera Matthews
Summary: Chapter Fourteen Up: My first John Cena fic. John cheats on his girlfriend Alex, and when she leaves him he has to try win her back (apologises for summary)
1. Now She's Gone

Sometimes  
  
Chapter 1: Now She's Gone  
  
It was the first time in seven months and four days that John Cena had slept alone and he didn't like it. The cold pain of having to watch Alex walk out the door and out of his life was still fresh and raw. All the drinks from the mini bar hadn't helped ease it. He'd said everything to make her stay, everything he could think of. But it hadn't been enough. Alex had pulled her suitcase off the bed and said goodbye. It wasn't like she fell out of love with him, it wasn't like they drifted apart. John had ripped them apart by sleeping with someone else. Alex had found out in the worst way possible, backstage gossip that she'd overheard. When she'd confronted him John had fallen silent, that said it all. He'd begged for another chance, didn't cheaters always do that? But she wasn't intrested. Alex stopped right by the door, turned to him and said  
  
"I need to be with someone who doesn't need another chance."  
  
So now, Alexandra Springer was gone. He wasn't sure where. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone and it was true. He'd never really paid attention to the way Alex would put her arms around him, but now she was there, the bed seemed very empty. He kept telling himself that maybe she'd call, and he got up to check his phone more then once. John had images of Alex dragging her suitcase down the streets, but he knew she was probably hauled up with one of the girl's. The million 'what if's' where already going around his head. John knew the only thing he could of done to make Alex stay was to have never slept with that girl, and he couln't turn back time. The worst part was still to come. Techincally it was still today, and today him and Alex had been together. Tomorrow was the day he had to go home and see all of her things scattered around the house like she would be back any second. John rolled over and pulled a pillow over his face.  
  
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Torrie decided not to give Alex the cup, she didn't think her shaking hands would be able to hold it and instead set it down next to her. She wasn't making any noise, her head was hanging down at her shoulders where shaking. Torrie didn't know what to say, she hadn't consoled a broken hearted girlfriend since high school. She'd heard the rumours about John, who hadn't? But she never expected Alex to find out like this. She thought John would have the guts to tell her himself. It seemed not. Alex had turned up with a hand clamped over her mouth and a bag by her feet. She knew straight away.  
  
"Do you think I made a mistake?" Alex asked, now looking Torrie in the eyes. "By leaving him?"  
  
"He cheated on you."  
  
"But I love him."  
  
Torrie sighed and put an arm around her shoulders. "Do you really want to spend every night that you aren't together, wondering if he's with someone else?"  
  
She didn't. Which women would? But hadn't Maury Povich said that you didn't have to dump someone just because they cheated, and why was Alex quoting Maury Povich suddenly? Alex lay down on the bed, pulled her knees up to her chest and started to cry. Sometimes you just had to walk away. 


	2. Baby Don't Go

A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed and I hope you enjoy this chapter!- Kiera  
  
Chapter 2: Baby Don't Go  
  
John knew Alex was already there when he arrived home. Some of her things where already stacked up by the door and he could hear her banging around upstairs. When he saw her it was deja vu from last night. She had her back to him and she was rapidly folding clothes into an open suitcase which lay in the middle of the bed.  
  
"Don't worry." she said quietly. "I'll be gone soon. I did want to finish before you got home."  
  
"Where are you going to go?" He asked, leaning against the door frame, her paced had slowed.  
  
"Home I suppose."  
  
"You don't have to,"  
  
She stopped now, a pair of jeans in her arms and turned to face him. She looked tired and worn, like she hadn't gotten any sleep. John doubted she had.  
  
"Please don't do this to me."  
  
"I could say the same thing." John replied.  
  
Alex dropped to the edge of the bed. "I don't have the energy to argue with you. Don't make this any harder then it has to be."  
  
She sat on the bed for another minute and then resumed her packing. John watched, he wanted to say something, but he'd said it all last night and it hadn't made a difference. Alex was still leaving, still packing. She wasn't just leaving John, she was leaving behind the only life they'd known for seven months, their life together. Alex zipped up the case and moved it, but she didn't pick it up.  
  
"I don't want to go." she though. "I want to stay. Why isn't he saying anything?"  
  
John moved from the door and put his hands on her hips. He wished he could change her mind, prove he could change.  
  
"If you loved me," he began. "You'd stay."  
  
"If you loved me we wouldn't be having this conversation."  
  
She pulled away, took her case and left the room. She stopped to pick up a pair of boots that John had pestered her to move for two weeks.  
  
"Goodbye John." Alex said. She didn't care if it was a cliche.  
  
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That night John carefully removed any trace of alex that had been left in the house. He changed the bedsheets, boxed up all the photographs and moved all of her CD's. The dressing table was still overflowing with make up, perfumes and other various cosmetics. He swept them into a drawer and locked it. He went to bed after eating a microwaveable meal and was unsettled. The sheets where clean and he thought he'd find comfort in switching to Alex's side. He expected to suddenly be engulfed by her scent and when he wasn't, John angrily threw the pillow across the room. It was tomorrow now. Him and Alex where over. She was gone. He tried not to cry.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~  
  
The home Alexandra Springer went to was a motel. she couldn't bear the thought of returning home to the newly renamed Cynthia Springer-Hall, and telling her she'd been right all along. That John was no good and just as she'd predicted, it had all ended in tears. Mostly Alex's. The motel had no room service, so she'd ordered from a nearby McDoanlds, but the burger still lay in it's brown bag, grease seeping through. She could hear a television set playing in the room next door, and laughing. She banged loudly on the wall, althought it didn't really bother her. Why should anyone else be happy when she was so miserable? Alex wrapped her arms around herself, more for comfort then warmth. She should of stayed with Torrie, at least she would of had a shoulder to cry on.  
  
"You should of stayed with John." a voice inside her head whispered. "You're nothing with out him."  
  
It was true. Before John she'd just been her, Alexandra Elizabeth Springer. Born without a father and just another indy diva. Then she'd had everything. The whole world came to know her and she had John, who was her world. She was crying. The tears where leaving wet trails down her cheeks. What do you do when the only person who can stop you crying is bringing the tears? 


	3. Tomorrow Is A Different Day

A/N: Thank you as always to my reviewers! Enjoy-Kiera  
  
Chapter 3: Tomorrow Is A Different Day  
  
There where two thing that annoyed Alex beyond anything else in the world. Plucking her eyebrows and applying eyeliner. But now eyeliner was a nessicary if she was going out to face the big wide world. Thanks to the rock soild matress she'd had no sleep the night before and it showed. She was in danger of having a breakout and she doubted Vince would aprrove or understand. Alex tried to keep her hand steady as she applied the black eyeliner. Her night had been plagued with images of John and his mystery women. Ever since she found out, Alex imagined a red head with her hair cut stylishly short and wearing high heels. Whoever she was she was a bitch for breaking up their releationship. Alex took a step back from the mirror and carefull inspected her one made up eye. She wondered if John had been thinking about her, if he was sorry. Had he even said that? Alex racked her mind to think. No, he hadn't. He'd said everything else, but not sorry. There was still a hollow ache in her chest and she silently cursed him for making her feel this way. She still loved him, but Alex vowed she would never stay with a man who'd hurt her once, they'd only do it again. She'd seen it happen to her mother enough times and the pain she felt for John was bad enough already. Alex wouldn't go through the last four days again. She finished her make up and stepped back again. Maybe she'd get her haircut today, get a manicure and a facial. She sighed loudly. Today was the first day of the rest of her life.  
  
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John was sitting by himself, pushing the food in front of him around the plate with his fork. The canteen was a hubb of noise all around him. Plates banging, people talking, the occassional burst of laughter. He'd been watching the doors, waiting for Alex, but she hadn't arrived yet. He knew if she turned up he couldn't talk to her. He just wanted to see her. He wasn't sure if it was his imagination, but Torrie seemed to be shooting him cold looks at every oppotunity. The door swung open, his heart stopped, but it wasn't Alex, just some cameraman. But then he saw her, shuffling in behind them. Her eyeliner was slightly smudged and her hair was scraped back into a ponytail with her layers falling out in front of her eyes. She was talking on her phone, probably to her mother. She walked right past her, straight to the food only giving Torrie a quick nudge. John watched her pick up a salad in a plastic container and head back to Torrie. She spoke on her phone for a few more minutes before hanging up and launching into conversation. John wished he knew what she was saying, but she had her back to him. Paul Wright passed with a quick hello, but John didn't take his eyes off Alex. He wondered who'd found out about the other women. But he couldn't really blame them. It was his fault. He didn't even remember her name, but wasn't how things like that always went ? Alex was getting up now, leaving to get ready for her match. She didn't even look at him. 


	4. I'll Get Over You

A/N: As always thank you to my lovely reviewers! I'm actually enjoying writing this story, you'll know when it's become more like a chore for me, the writing will slide and the updates will be few and far between! Enjoy- Kiera  
  
Chapter Four: I'll Get Over You  
  
The next time John saw Alex it was five weeks later. The brand reshuffle happened a week after they split up and she was moved to Raw to futhur her character. Now he was trying to shop for food, feeling distinctly like shit thanks to the lack of sleep the night before. He was slumped over the bar of the shopping trolley with his cap pulled far down over his eyes. He was finding it hard to get enthusastic about pasta. It was then he saw Alex. She was standing at the bottom of the aisle reading the back of a ready meal box. Her hair was twisted back in a clamp and she was wearing a grey jacket with a tired exression on her face. John stood rooted to the spot, he wasn't sure what he should do. He wanted to go talk to her, but she would probably call him a name and walk away. It seemed Alex made that decision for him, she was headed straight for him, still reading the box. She stopped right in front of him and then looked up. When it had regsitered in her mind who it was, she tried to side step the trolley. But John grabbbed her by the arm.  
  
"Can't we at least be civil Alex?" John asked.  
  
"Why?" she snapped back not missing a beat. "So you can make sure that you haven't left any permant scars? "  
  
That was partly true, but John wasn't about to admit it. Alex went on.  
  
"Or so you can make sure my cousins aren't after your blood?"  
  
That was also partly true. Alex's three cousins, Kegan, Lennon and Harley where huge monsters who could beat him up in three seconds flat, but that wasn't his main concern. He missed her, but that was also something he wasn't going to admit to.  
  
"Just so you know, I'm fine. I had the find a new place to live, get use to a whole new schedule and make new friends all because of you. Besides that, I'm fine."  
  
She gave his trolley a hard push and stormed past him. John was going to follow her. He didn't. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~  
  
Alexandra Springer had never cared much for the taste of beer, but it would be impolite to simply leave the bottle full. So every so often she would take tiny little sips as not to offend Randy. He had asked her out three days earlier and the truth be told she didn't want to be there, she wasn't really ready to be there. But Cynthia had banged on long enough about getting back on the horse, so that was what she was doing. Grabbing hold of the horse and jumping back on it, even if she really didn't want to.  
  
"It'll be good for you." Her inner voice told her. "You know if you weren't here you'd just be in your room thinking about John. At least her there is music, and company."  
  
She gave a small nod of agreement. Randy was standing next to her, his arm just behind her with his hand resting on the bar as if he was too shy to put it around her waist.  
  
"Anyway," her inner voice continued, trying to futhur rationionalise her being there. "What makes you think John isn't out with some girl? He did it when you where together."  
  
Like she needed the reminder. Randy leaned close to tell her something, she didn't hear but nodded anyway. She took another sip and grimaced as the beer slid down her throat. It was vile and she certainly wouldn't be having another bottle. Even when she had arrived home full of tears and Cynthia had dragged bottles out of the fridge Alex hadn't been able to drink them. Randy had been blunt and to the point when he asked her out. In a way Alex found it egotistical and charming. Plus he was nice.  
  
"Plus," her inner voice went on. "If anything happens between you and Randy you'll have to get over John, and that's what you want, isn't it?"  
  
She didn't answer. 


	5. Somedbody Else's Girl

A/N: WOW! With every chapter I seem to be picking up new reviewers which is great! i'm glad you're enjoying this and I hope I've made the situation feel real, I hope that I've made both sides of the whole thing clear. Anyway I have this all written out, plan wise. Enjoy!-Kiera  
  
Chapter Five: Somebody Else's Girl  
  
It was a Sunday night and Alex was too stressed to sleep. She was lying on the single bed in her hotel room with her head hanging over the edge, watching a 'Sex and the City' re run. She hated series two, the whole Carrie getting over Big thing just rang too true, but there wasn't anything else on. When she arrived home she had to go back to John's and pick up the rest of her things. She was dreading it and got the distinct feeling she was going to burst into tears once she walked over the doorstep. Alex had been very proud of herself for not turning into a mess at the store, although she had spent the rest of her day listening to sad songs with her head buried under a pillow. This was so much harder then she expected, even though she'd gone out with Randy a couple of times John was still on her mind, a lot. The bastard. Torrie was no longer sympathetic, John had cheated so Alex should get over him. Soon, like today. The night before Randy had asked her what she thought about them offically becoming an 'us'. She hadn't really been sure, Alex still hadn't quiet grapsed the concept that 'us' was no longer her and John. But she'd nodded, told him it would be great. She had always liked being an 'us', she still was, just with someone else. She was someone's girl again, she couldn't help but wonder if John knew. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~ John did know. He found out the same way Alex had, backstage gossip. That he hadn't wanted. It wasn't what he had wanted to hear. Ever since he'd seen her in the store he'd been racking his brains for what to say, something he could do to get her back, or at least to stop her from hating him. He hadn't got his words exact yet, but he had been sure if he could just sit her down and talk to her, he could make her see sense. He'd be able to convince Alex that he still loved her and maybe that they could still have a chance. But now it was too late, it was offical, the news had broken. Alexandra Springer was Randy Orton's girlfriend. Some of the boys in the locker room, the few who sympathised, told him she was on the rebound and rebounds never lasted. He tried to find comfort in that, but it was hard. His plan had been blown, Alex was somebody else's girl. What else could he do? ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~ The whole time Alex was there, packing up the last of her things, John watched from a distant with a constant mental tug willing him to say something. She hadn't spoken to him, not even to ask where he'd put her CD's and the rest of her clothes. John offered to help her carry the boxes out to the van, but the look she shot him gave him a clear 'no'. Eventually everything was packed up and John was watching her shut the doors of the van. She turned back to John with her hands deep in the pockets of her jeans, her eyes almost willing him to say something. So he did,  
  
"Alex. There's something I need to tell you."  
  
"What?" she asked, not moving from her space by the van and the cold tone gone from her voice.  
  
'Just say it,' his head was whispering. 'Just say it. Just tell her. '  
  
"Alex, I....."  
  
She walked towards him, stopping only inches from his face. There was a sparkle in her eyes that could of been the onset of tears.  
  
"Alex, I'm happy you're with Randy." He said. His words came out in a rush. " I'm glad you've found someone who won't need a second chance."  
  
She nodded slowly. "Me too." 


	6. These Miss You Nights

A/N:Thank you once again to all my reviewers! Enjoy-Kiera  
  
Chapter Six: These Miss You Nights  
  
John had decided to drive all night. He needed to keep his mind busy, he needed to keep his mind of Alex. More precisly, Alex and Randy. Tomorrow night was a joint pay-per-view between the brands and a party had already been organised. He'd have to see them, and if he didn't go he'd be accused of being jealous. Which, in all fairness, was true. But he didn't want everyone else knowing that. John could still see Alex, everytime he shut his eyes he could see her standing by the van, looking at him, with a glimmer of something in her eyes. a glimmer of something he didn't recognise. So much for keeping his mind busy. He turned of the radio, and a low, gravely voice of a local DJ filled the car.  
  
"Well, listeners it's almost one am and that means the love song hour. To start us off, R. Kelly with 'If I could turn back the hands of time."  
  
John quickly turned it off. It was almost like the whole world was conspiring to make him feel bad, which he already did. How else was he suppose to feel? Ever since Alex had left him he hadn't stopped thinking about her. He hadn't stopped thinking about how it could of been if she'd never found out. Or better yet if he'd never been with that girl. The car stopped at the traffic lights. She'd be with randy now, enjoying herself. John angrily banged his hands down on the steering wheel. he should of said something. She wasn't enjoying herself. Randy could tell, it was coming off her in waves. She hadn't spoken properly to him for the whole day and now she was quickly making her way through a bottle of red wine.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Randy asked.  
  
"Talk about what?" She replied, pouring the rest of the bottle into her glass.  
  
"Whatever is bothering you. You haven't been yourself."  
  
Alex shrugged. "Nothing." Then she motioned for the waiter to bring her another bottle.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Positive."  
  
It was a lie. They both knew it, and they both knew Alex was drunk. But neither one of them said anything. Randy just watched as Alex snatched the uncorked bottle of the waiter. He was going to have to stop her soon or it was going to get messy. Alex, on the other hand, didn't care. She was determained to drown away any feelings or thoughts related to that cheating bastard John Cena. Wine would help. Wine was helping which was good. Anyway, how dare he get her hopes up like that only to congratulate her on finding someone better then him. How dare he cheat on her in the first place. A nasty phone call was in order. Alex bent down to get her bag and find her phone.  
  
"What are you doing?" Randy asked, he'd been watching her the whole time she'd been staring into space. "Need to make a phone call." She muttered, a glass in one hand while she searched for John's number.  
  
Randy took her phone and her glass. "I don't think you're in any state to be making any phone calls, to anyone, and no more wine."  
  
"Fine."  
  
She folded her arms and leaned back in her chair, trying to focus on Randy and not the spinning walls behind him.  
  
"You could just tell me what's wrong."  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Is it John? Did he say something to you the other day?"  
  
Alex gave a small laugh. "No, he really didn't."  
  
Randy had taken Alex to her room and left her to sleep. She woke up a few hours later, still fully dressed and feeling sick. She didn't slink off to the bathroom like she wanted to, she went over to the window and peered out. The dark streets below were empty and Alex leaned her head against the cold glass. she began to cry, she missed John. But she'd walked away. It was too late. 


	7. The Lover After Me

A/N: I already have more then twenty reviews! Yey! Anyway, I'm glad you all like this and I'm glad to see you all want John and Alex to get back together. Hee hee. If there are any questions or anything I'm not making clear let me know and I'll try to make things clear. Enjoy!-Kiera  
  
Chapter Seven: The Lover After Me  
  
John noted, with a certian level of satisfaction, that Alexandra Springer wasn't eniterly happy with Randy. He watched her all night. Watched how every time she would allow herself to steal a glance in his direction that she would immediatly down the rest of her drink. Watched how she shifted everytime he touched her, or backed away slightly whenever he went to whisper in her ear. Eventually Randy went off somewhere and Alex headed over to the bar. John followed.  
  
"Hey." He greeted.  
  
"Hi." she replied flatly. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine. How are you? You look a little uneasy tonight."  
  
"I'm not." She said, giving the bartender her order. "But just out of intrest, what makes you say that?"  
  
"I've been watching you."  
  
Only then did Alex turn to look at him, and she began twisiting her earring. "You shouldn't, and I'm fine. It's not my ideal situation, that's all."  
  
"Does he really make you happy?" John asked, cutting straight to the point. The shock of his question registered on her face straight away.  
  
"And if he didn't what would you do?"  
  
"Alex...."  
  
She held up her hand. "Forget it. I don't even want to know. I can't know and you can't do this to me."  
  
As to prove her point she hit him in the arm with her bag. When she went to do it again, John grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to him.  
  
"I can't stop thinking about you."  
  
At the same moment, Alex was yanked back. By Randy. He glared at John.  
  
"What are you doing?" He demanded.  
  
"Talking. That's all."  
  
"It didn't look like talking to me."  
  
Alex gave Randy a little push away from John. "Leave it." She said. "It was nothing."  
  
She took her drink and Randy grabbed her hand. With one last cold stare at John they disappeared into the crowd. At least he'd said something. At least now she knew. Alex was sitting right in the middle of the bed, Randy hadn't spoken to her since the whole incident with John. He was getting changed at the foot of the bed, with his back to her and she couldn't stand the silence. After all she hadn't done anything wrong. With a roll of her eyes, Alex crawled foreward and put her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Are you annoyed with me?" she asked quietly.  
  
"No. I'm annoyed at him. Who does he think he is? I know what he's trying to do. I know he wants you back." Randy's voice grew louder towards the end of his sentance.  
  
"It doesn't matte. I wouldn't go back with him. Not after what he did."  
  
He turned around so they where face to face. "It won't stop him from trying. He loves you."  
  
"So?"  
  
"You loved him."  
  
"Loved him. Past tense, and what does it all matter anyway?" She asked.  
  
"Because I'm falling in love with you."  
  
Alex swore her heart stopped. This was all getting too much. What could she do? Laugh and tell him she lied, that she still had feelings for John and face being alone? Break Randy's heart? The first part had been true, she couldn't let herself go back to John. So she smiled like it was the greatest thing she'd ever heard.  
  
"I think I'm falling for you too." she replied.  
  
She wasn't. But she would. She had to. 


	8. Between You and Me

A/N: How much do I love all of you! Thank you so much for all the loevly reviews! You really are making writing this more enjoyable! Anyway, someone asked why Alex was lying to Randy, she's kinda scared, she doesn't want to be alone and knows Randy wants her, she doesn't want to lose that, even if she really doesn't want to be with him. that's probably confusing! Enjoy- Kiera  
  
Chapter 8: Between You And Me  
  
Torrie dropped the last, heavy box on the floor with a thud and streched her arms out wide.  
  
"Even if that wasn't the last box, I wouldn't bring in anymore." She called to Alex, who was in the kitchen.  
  
"You offered to help me move." She reminded her.  
  
"Yeah, why was that?"  
  
Torrie sat down on the box she'd just dropped and pulled a white cooler bag towards her, pulling out a bottle of water. She let her eyes wander around Alex's new appartment just as she came back into the room with two candle holders.  
  
"You know you could of gotten a realyl big house." She pointed out.  
  
"Why would I do that? It's just me."  
  
"Maybe not for long."  
  
Alex sat on the floor near Torrie and pulled a smaller box towards her. She opened it up and pulled out a stack of photograph frames which where immediatly snatched off her. The fisrt one was a black and white, and featured a man holding a baby. Torrie guessed it was Alex and her Dad, but didn't ask. She knew the whole backstory. She continued to flip through them. Alex with Cynthia, Alex backstage and finally Alex and John.  
  
"Where are you going to put this?" She asked.  
  
"In the box." Alex replied taking it from her hands and dropping it back where a small smash was emitted seconds later.  
  
"You need to stop thinking about him." Torrie went on. She saw the flash in Alex's eyes when she'd seen the picture.  
  
"Don't."  
  
"Alex you've got Randy now. you can't go around wishing for something you can't have. If I can see it then so can everyone else, including Randy."  
  
"Do you know what it's like trying to force yourself not to love someone?" Alex snapped, getting up from the floor and dusting down her jeans.  
  
"No, but..."  
  
"But nothing. You don't know so you can't say anything. You can't tell me what to do."  
  
"You will get over him." Torrie said softly.  
  
She prayed Torrie was right. She had to be, she couldn't keep doing this.  
  
As he expected, the weight room was busy. Everyone seemed to be working out in groups of twos or threes and the occassional laugh would blast through the air. John wasn't in a sociable mood. He pulled his headphones up over his ears and jumped on an empty treadmill. He set the programme to hill run and began to feel a pull in his calf muscles. It wasn't long before he felt a tap on his arm and saw Kurt Angle next to him. John lowered his headphones.  
  
"I need to talk to you about our match." Kurt said.  
  
"Not now." John growled.  
  
"Something on your mind?"  
  
"Sort of."  
  
"Wanna talk about it?"  
  
John really didn't. But it didn't seem as thought Kurt wasn't going to give up. It seemed John didn't have to say anything at all, Kurt was talking again.  
  
"It's her isn't it? Alex."  
  
"What makes you think that?"  
  
"It's obvious. Since you two broke up and she went off to Raw, you hardly say anything any more. We can all tell."  
  
"She can't."  
  
"That's because she's with someone else." Kurt went on. "You need to let her go. Let Alex have a life."  
  
John hit the stop button hard with the flat of his hand and the treadmill ground to a halt.  
  
"I can't. Not when I'm still in love with her."  
  
Working out hadn't been such a good idea after all. 


	9. Everytime

A/N: Sorry it took me so long. Work and college and....one more update next week then there'll be none for about two and a half weeks because I'll be away (yey!) Thank you for all your lovely reviews, as always! I know this is short but I'll make it up to you. Basically this chapter is to prove that Alex is conflicted between doing what she thinks is right, and doing what she wants. Enjoy!-Kiera  
  
Chapter 9: Everytime  
  
"If you had just said sorry all of this would of been different. If you had just apologised I could of pretended you meant it and I would of stayed,because I loved you. But you never did so I left."  
  
That was what Alexandra Springer had blurted out to John exactly one hour before as they stood in a garden celebrating a mutual friend's birthday. He couldn't remember exactly how the conversation started, or when it turned into a fight, but that was how it had ended. Alex had stormed back inside after that and John hadn't been able to find her. It had been two months since his confession to Kurt and when he saw her that night, standing in a corner wearing a red dress that he knew had been his last birthday gift to her, he had promised himself that he was going to tell her. He had to, especially after Torrie had taken great pleasure in telling him Randy and Alex where in love. If he waited much longer he was going to miss his chance. He was driving home now, wondering what to do. How much longer did he actually have? It was pushing on five months since she'd left, and especially now if she was in love. He had to act fast. If he could just get Alex alone and tell her....but that was no guarntee she would take him back. Or even listen. How could he say sorry, after so long? Alex arrived home, left the house dark and lay on the carpeted floor of the hall staring blankly at the ceiling. She was conflicted, she could feel it. Her heart was urging her to pick up the phone and tell him it wasn't too late. Her head was telling her that she'd walked away with her head held high, there was no reason to throw that away now. Why lose her pride and Randy? Randy. Alex thought about him. Her feelings for him where definatly still growing, but love still aluded her. It was just that far away. She got up to retrive the phone and lay back down during her phone conversation with Randy. The sound of his voice settled her some what, and helped the tight knot of anger she felt slip away. She was angry with herself on so many levels. For slipping up to John, for betraying herself and for doing it to Randy who'd been so good to her. So understanding. There came an urgent hammering on the door some fifteen minutes later. Alex hung up and crept towards the door, through the glass panle she saw a male outline and hid out of sight.  
  
"Alex." John's voice drifted through banging once more. "Alex please open up. I need to talk to you."His voice was tinged with desperation. "There's something you should know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did."  
  
Her hand was hoovering of the handle, dangerously close to unlocking it and throwing herself into his arms. A wave of emotion crashed over her, a horrible sadness that she remembered all to well from the day she left. Her inner voice kicked in.  
  
"Open that door and you'll feel like that all over again."  
  
So she didn't, Alex sat on the floor and listened for the longest time, until John left. There would be no more of this nonseness. Not anymore. 


	10. A Step In Any Direction

Chapter 10: A Step In Any Direction  
  
Six weeks later, Alex's life took an unexpected twist. It happened suddenly, in a way she never expected. She was lying on the sofa, leaning on Randy watching a re-run of 'Happy Days' and mentally debating if she wanted the tub of Ben and Jerry's she knew was in the kitchen. Alex hadn't seen John since that night, and never mentioned it to anyone, not even Torrie who still called her every week. She felt Randy fidgeting underneath her and pushed herself up off him.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing." He said quickly and Alex lay back down.  
  
Seconds later it started up again, but she choose to ignore it, she had a weakness for 'Happy Days'.  
  
"Alex, there's something I need to tell you." Randy said into her ear.  
  
She couldn't help it, her stomach gave a horrible twist.  
  
"I swear if you cheated, I'm going to beat you to death with the phone." She warned, and she was deadly serious.  
  
"You know I love you and the past few months with you have been amazing...."  
  
"But...." Alex's inner voice added for her.  
  
"I know this may seem sudden, but...."  
  
"There it is. Brace yourself."  
  
Then, there it was. Right in front of her face, a blue tiffany's box opned up to show a diamond ring. Her throat dried up, luckily, Randy kept talking.  
  
"I want.....I mean.....Alex, will you marry me?"  
  
John was busy warming up, waiting for his call when Torrie appeared in front of him. She was ready for the show, dressed in a tiny white dress and high heels, her hands planted firmly on her hips and grinning widly.  
  
"Do you want something?" John asked, he was in no mood for what she, or anyone, had to say.  
  
"Everyone heard what you told Kurt, how you still loved Alex."  
  
"That was months ago."  
  
"She doesn't love you."  
  
"Has she told you that?"  
  
Torrie grinned even wider. She knew differently, or she had knowen differently. She'd never told anyone about Alex's confession and she hadn't mentioned it since. But John didn't have to know, he would never know. In Torrie's eyes, he never deserved her in the first place.  
  
"No. But she doesn't have to. Haven't you heard?"  
  
John straightened up, he towered over Torrie, but she just gave him a steely gaze back.  
  
"Heard what? About Alex?"  
  
She nodded and almost broke into a fit of giggles. "Randy proposed and Alex said yes. She's marrying Randy. " Torrie accepted Alex's invation to be a bridesmaid and joined her for a shopping trip a few days later. The first thing she did was seize Alex's hand to coo over her ring.  
  
"Ooooh, it's so nice. You're so lucky!"  
  
Alex gave a smile, then buried her hand deep into the pocket of her jacket.  
  
"I'm so happy for you! This is fantastic! After all you've been through, you've now found your Prince Charming. You're happy aren't you?"  
  
She nodded. "Of course. I'm getting married. Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
They ordered coffee's from Starbucks and sat near the window. Torrie waited until Alex hadn't finished drinking to continue talking.  
  
"I saw John the other day."  
  
Alex remained indifferent to the knowledge.  
  
"I told him, about you and Randy and everything."  
  
Alex stirred the remainder of her coffee and gave a small shrug. Her inner voice was congradulating her on doing such a good job.  
  
"He said, he's happy for you."  
  
"Good, that means I can take him off the maybe list and send him an invatation."  
  
Torrie felt slightly uneasy about Alex's reaction, it was sort of an anti- climax and she hadn't been ready for a swift change of heart of Alex's part, although she'd been praying for it for a long time.  
  
"You know," Torrie went on, leaning over the table, feeling for some reason this needed to be said. "John would never have married you."  
  
"I know." She agreed. "That's why I'm glad Randy isn't the same sort of guy as him."  
  
The conversation ended there. 


	11. Calling You At 3am

Chapter 11: Calling You at 3 am  
  
_I don't give a damn about you_

_ No nothing can change my mind, no way _

_I'm happy just to let you walk away _

_Don't think about you at night I'm happy to be alone, it's ok_  
  
Three months past and Alexandra Springer found herself in bed, a month shy of her wedding day, wide awake as Randy snored next to her. Today had been important to her, she'd finally picked up her wedding dress and had tried it on. It seemed different on her at home, in her bedroom, then it ahd in the brightly lit shop. She looked like a child playing dress up. Alex had thrown herself into the wedding and every aspect had been organised to military precision. It all ran through her head. The 17th of next month ar the Ash Hotel. 250 guests, three bridesmaids dressed in navy blue, three groomsmen. Her mother was walking her down the aisle. She still had several RSVP's to get, including John's. Alex had been quiet proud of herself, in the time that had lapsed since getting engaged she'd hardly thought about John. But before she got too smug her inner voice would remind her that she hadn't had time to think about him. she was either working or organising the wedding. Save for now, at almost three in the morning. John was still running rampant through her mind, for one reason or another.  
  
"Do you think he'll come to the wedding?" her inner voice asked.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Don't you think it was slightly underhanded, sending him an invatation. Like saying, look, I really did it. I survived without you."  
  
"But I did." Alex replied out loud. "And what's wrong with asking him to come a celebrate me getting married?"  
  
Her inner voice tutted loudly. "I give up. You know that. I really fucking give up trying to help you. You haven't got a fucking clue what you want."  
  
The inner voice fell silent and Alex closed her eyes in hopes of getting some sleep.Her inner voice kicked in again, suddenly.  
  
"You'd better decied what you want Alex, and quickly. Because soon you'll be married and then what will you do?"  
  
Nothing, Alex thought, her eyes still shut. Nothing and like it.   
  
John was still wide awake, sitting at his computer desk with his instant messenger up on the screen, although no-one was online at that ungodly hour. Alex's name was still at the top of his list although she hadn't been on for months. In his hands was the wedding invatation. Alex's name in gold script caught the light and winked up at him. He didn't want to go, although he knew he should. To wish her luck, to show there where no hard feelings. But then again, why should he have to watch the women he loved marry someone else ? He was undecided, and people at work constantly asked. They where just as interested in John's decision as the wedding. Torrie had taken to talking about it loudly whenever he was in hearing distance. Joh thought back to the night a few months ago, when he'd go to her appartment and banged on the door, shouting his apologise hoping it wasn't too late, hoping she'd come out. He wondered, like he ahd about so many other things, what would of happened if she'd just opened the door. It made his heart twinge.  
  
_Calling you at 3 am _

_And I'm standing here right outside your dooor _

_And I don't think that my heart can take much more _

_Scared of cracking up again I just want it to be like it was before _

_Cos I don't think that my heart could take much more  
_  
John took out the ivory coloured card that had accompanied the invataion and took a pen. He circled the option that apologised, but he wouldn't be able to attend Alexandra Elizabeth Springer's wedding to Randy Keith Orton on the 17th of next month. John put the card back in the envelope and leaned back in his chair.  
  
"Sorry Alex." He said out loud.


	12. Maybe I'll Meet You There

Chapter 12: Maybe I'll meet you there  
  
Two days to go. That was all he had left. Randy just had to wait two more days and Alex would be his for good. He could stop worrying about Alex, and her still having feelings for John. In two more days it wouldn't matter. She would be his wife and any feelings she had for anyone would automatically become nul and void. She was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, her legs curled under her, leaning on her arm looking as though the programme on decorating was important. This was it. Soon they'd buy the first house, then it would be the first child and then the second and third. Their life together would begin soon. Alex was thinking, back to the night before when she'd been taken out by the girl's she knew and gotten drunk on cocktails before doing a horrible thing. She'd suddenly, for no reason other then too much vodka, began crying into Torrie's arms. Torrie had taken her straight home and questioned her about it, but Alex lied and said she missed her Dad, which was partly true. Later Randy would leave to go stay with his parents for the night and Alex would be alone. All her make-up for the big day would line the upstairs dresser, the hair products would be neatly stacked in the bathroom and only her wedding dress would keep her company. Thinking about her dress, locked in the spare room away from Randy's prying eyes, forced her to her feet and up to the room. Alex didn't turn on the light and the room seemed to be bathed in a blue hue and the dress swung like a ghost on the back of the door. She ran a hand down the side of it, feeling thes ilky fabric under her fingers and a dryness sweep over her throat. She thought back to last night, about the lie and the truth she'd told Torrie. Her Dad. Alexander George Springer who'd treated his baby girl like a princess. Alexander Springer who was proud to have his daughter named after him. Alexander Springer who died of a heart attack when she was just eight. Alex missed him, if he was still alive he'd wrap his arms around her and tell her exactly what to do. Then, the truth. John Cena. Who Alex hadn't seen and who wasn't coming to her wedding. She understood, still it hurt. But she understood. It was better that way. Alex didn't trust herself to be able to smile and get married with him there.  
  
"Alex, I'm going now. Maybe I'll see you at the church?" Randy said the last part with a laugh.  
  
"Maybe." She whispered.  
  
John had his day planned out perfectly. Stay in bed until one to sleep off last night's drinks. Work out, watch DVD's, eat and anything to keep his mind off the fact it was Alexandra Springer's wedding day. That was his plan. Of course, nothing goes to plan and when John answered the door to Torrie standing in a navy blue bridesmaid dress he wasn't compleatly surprised.  
  
"I need to talk to you." she said, unlike the times before there was no malice in her voice.  
  
John invited her in and she didn't it down. She paced the lenght of the room a few times, taking deep breaths as if preparing herself for something. She stopped abruptly and turned to him.  
  
"You have to understand how hard this is for me, so I'd appriciate it if you kept quiet."  
  
He nodded and sat down. Torrie twisted her dress.  
  
"A few months ago, when you where busy telling everyone that you loved Alex, she told me the same thing, about you that is."  
  
"And you didn't tell me because?"  
  
"Because I'm her best friend. I made sure that what you said never got back to her either. I didn't want her running back to you just to get her heartbroken again."  
  
"So, you're here to rub it in?" John asked. He didn't have a clue where the conversation was going. "I'm here because I'm Alex's best friend. She doesn't want to marry Randy. She broke down in tears the other night. She didn't say so but I knew."  
  
"What do you want me to do?"  
  
Torrie gave a loud sigh, as if it was obvious. "Tell her you love her. Run in and sweep her off her feet for god's sake! She kept telling me she would fall in love with Randy. But she never did. She's with him to get over you, and it never worked. John, we've had our differences. But you need to get down to that church and stop that wedding. For Alex."  
  
Torrie left the house with that. She thought it was a dramatic enough sentance to let it hang in the air, plus Alex was expecting her. John stayed on the couch, he didn't move for half an hour. He replayed Torrie's words over and over in his head, carefully examaning every single word. He checked the clock. It was almost three, the church was twenty minutes away. John Cena jumped to his feet, he had a wedding to stop. 


	13. It's Better Then Regretting

A/N: Thank you, as always, for the reviews. If you're very luck there'll be another update tomorrow (lucky people!) But firstly: Aussiewrestlingfan: I'm working on Bring Me To Life. I know the storyline but i'm having trouble with the in between bits and I need to discuss it with... Alys Deejay: I love your fic 'My Little Hellcat' It's amazing! My yahoo has been buggered so I'm sorry for not getting in touch. I will send you a LENGHTY e-mail as soon as possible! For everyone else, Enjoy!-Kiera  
  
Chapter 13: It's Better Then Regretting  
  
Alex had been pushed into a side room by her mother, so to stay out of the way while the church filled up with people. Torrie had hardly said two words and kept rushing off places before coming back to make sure she was alright. Alex grabbed the sides of her dress and pulled them out as far as she could before beginning to rock slightly on her heels in front of her mirror. There had been a great debate between Cynthia Springer-Hall and Cynthia's five sisters as to how Alex should have her hair on the day. They'd settled for half up half down with Alex's Grandmother's hair pin. The noise coming from inside the chapel was beginning to increase, she could hear the dull babble through the walls. Alex let go of her dress and looked down at her shkaing hands. Her Aunt Barbie had insisted she wear lace gloves, but she looked like Madonna.  
  
"So," her inner voice started up. "Tell me, are you really going to do this? I mean put on the veil, link arms with your mother and walk down the aisle while everyone you've ever meant ooh's and ah's?"  
  
Why wasn't she?  
  
"John!"  
  
Alex groaned and warned the inner voice not to start that up again. She'd been so good not thinking about him. But that in large was the amount of time she'd spent organising the wedding. If she'd hired a wedding planner like so many people had suggested, god knows what she would of done. The door to the room opened and Cynthia swept in. Alex couldn't help but smile, her mother was positivly glowing and was wearing a cream suit with matching hat. Cynthia put her hands on Alex's shoulders and kissed her daughter on the cheek.  
  
"Shall I say all those horrible cliches or not?' she asked.  
  
"No, it's ok. I know. You love me and you're proud of me."  
  
Cynthia turned Alex around and brushed stray hair out of her eyes. "Oh Alexandra. You are so your fathers daughter. He'd be so proud of you."  
  
"I thought you werent going to do this."  
  
"I know. Sorry. Whenever you're ready."  
  
Cynthia kissed Alex once more and left the room. She was going to be sick. By the time John got to the church and found the room Alex was in, she was about to leave and stopped dead in her tracks. She swept her veil away from her face and smiled.  
  
"I'm glad you're here, but I think you're in the wrong place."  
  
He shook his head. "I'm not."  
  
It must of been something to do with the sun coming through the window and bouncing off her dress, but there seemed to be a glow around Alex. She quickly turned away from him and leaned in close to the mirror to inspect her eye make up.  
  
"Oh. Really?"  
  
She tried to sound like she didn't care, of course she was certian her beating heart was visible through her dress.  
  
"What are you doing? I know you don't want to be here."  
  
"Says who?"  
  
"Says Torrie."  
  
She laughed and pulled her veil back over her face. Her laughter faded and her voice came out as a small squeak. "Just...."  
  
"Alex I love you, and I know you love me. So let's go."  
  
It was at that moment that Alex hurled her boquet at him, knowing, but not caring, that it would do no damage.  
  
"You cheated on me with another women! Loving you and trusting you are two different things!"  
  
Her anger came from different places. The audacity at John waiting until her god damn wedding day to tell her, the fact he did it in the first place. The fact that he was right.  
  
"Come with me, and I'll marry you."  
  
"You didn't want to marry me when we where together and you only want to now because someone else will."  
  
It was true. He'd honestly never thought about marrying her, until Randy had proposed. Of course he wanted to be with her, but marriage had been a compleatly different thing.  
  
"Why are you still standing there if you don't love him?" John asked. "You'll regret it."  
  
Alex put her hands to her face and shook her head. Every little thing her inner voice had told her reguarding John was replaying in her head. The most vivid one being when she'd been standing in a hallway, dumbstruck hearing the words "John cheated" going round.  
  
"We love each other and that's all that matters."  
  
"No, it's not." Alex replied, her face still hidden. "You're right John, I do love you and I do want to be with you." Now she looked at him. "But I can't. I won't. I won't let you do that to me again."  
  
"But I won't." John said desperatly, stepping towards her.  
  
"I don't know that."  
  
"You don't know that I won't either. You just have to trust me."  
  
He was standing right in front of her now, holding her hand and moving her veil. She wanted to. She wanted to run away from the church with him and never look back. But what John had said was exactly the reason she couldn't.  
  
"I can't trust you, and I don't think I ever will." She kissed him, just the once leaving a sticky pink lip gloss mark. "I'm sorry John. But there's somebody waiting for 


	14. Sometimes

A/N: Ah, I'm glad you all enjoy cliffhangers (mwa hahahaha). anyway, this is probably the last chapters. If anyone has any ideas for a second part let me know and I'll be happy to do it. I've enjoyed writing this so much and that's mostly because of every single person who reviewed! I hope this is the ending you all wanted and Alys I'll e-mail you as soon as my yahoo stops fucking up! Enjoy-Kiera  
  
Chapter 14: Sometimes  
  
Hours later, John found himself sitting out in the back garden with a bottle of beer. This wasn't how he wanted the day to end on any count. He shouldn't have gone to see her. On the way there he really believed that she'd leave with him and they'd get back together and hadn't that turned out well. The back gate opened, slamming against the wall of the house. He heard a rustle and then Alex was sitting next to him. The veil and her lip gloss was gone, his eyes instantly honned in on the ring on her finger. So she'd gone through with it after all. "How did we end up here?" Alex asked.  
  
"Well we both use to live here. I still do, but you've somehow sneaked away from the wedding." "You know what I meant."  
  
John began peeling the label off his bottle. A large part of him was impressed that a bride had somehow managed to leave her own wedding to go visit her ex.  
  
"Was it me?" she asked. "Was it something I did that made you cheat on me?"  
  
"No!" John said quickly. "No! It was me.I knew it was wrong but I still did it anyway."  
  
"Yeah. I know what you mean."  
  
Alex was grabbing handfuls of her skirt, pulling it up and then letting go again.  
  
"I understand, you know." He said, inching slightly closer to her. "I understand why you married Randy, and why you wouldn't leave with me."  
  
Alex nodded. "Good. That's why I'm here I didn't want you to think that I was doing it to get my own back. I didn't want you to be angry with me."  
  
John laughed. It was ironic. Alex had spent so long being angry with him and suddenly she was terrified it was the other way around. He wasn't. He couldn't be. Sure he was upset. John had spent Alex's whole relationship with Randy fighting for her and it had been for nothing.  
  
"You know, you're not Alex Springer anymore." John pointed out.  
  
She nodded. To the both of them it didn't seem like she'd simply changed her name. It was like shedding a skin. John's Alex was well and truly gone. The Happy Day's loving, shoe obsessed Alex he'd fallen in love with, was somewhere else. In her place was Alex Orton, and she was so new John didn't know who she was. Alex reached out and took John's hand.  
  
"You helped you know. Not then when I needed you, but now. Knowing that you wanted me back this whole time, it's kind of eased things."  
  
A wind came and rustled Alex's skirt some more.  
  
"I really do love you."  
  
"I love you too." John replied.  
  
She leaned in close to him and he put his arms around her. She knew it was over between her and John. She knew that now she was someone's wife and being there with him was wrong. But it was her last chance, the last moments they'd ever get. Sometimes, you just couldn't walk away. Even when it's over. 


End file.
